still waiting

[Ahoy]

Argh. He just came by with D to pick up some clothes. He's wearing all new wardrobe himself (part of MLC, I know). His outfit looks good, although he's still sporting the hideous beard.

I don't get it. I'm not physically attracted to him. I'm not drawn to the kind of man who could do what he is currently doing to his family. I don't even really want to be with him. And yet, when he leaves I feel punched in the gut.

I guess it's just processing the loss. And still not knowing why and what's really going on. It's so hard to be okay with not knowing why my marriage is falling apart (even though I have my suspicions).

Sigh.