W away again this evening (Friday evening) to visit OM - to address things/round things off she says. I am flying home tonight (transatlantic flight) and will be alone with my thoughts all the way. Backslid and said that this was exactly the situation over the last 6 months where they ended up in bed together. And that she seemed to have no idea what she was doing to me.
She's basically cuckolding you here, and you basically gave her "permission" to do so with your "I'll be here waiting while you choose, so long as you don't conduct your affair from under our roof" stance.
I don't mind betrayed spouses waiting (I did, for about 3 months), but you should NOT convey anything to your wayward spouse other than "I don't want a divorce, but I won't live in an open marriage either, make no mistake. And I'm NOT going to wait forever. Looks like we both have some decisions to make."
When they know you're basically just going to remain there, willing to be their "Plan B" in case their affair doesn't work out, there is no urgency to stop what they are doing and come back and work on the marriage, in my opinion.
