On the brink, need a miracle

[25yearsmlc]

So whenever someone tells me that their spouse is "acting SO differently", I at least pose the question of something physical being a factor. Hope you can see why.

I respectfully disagree here. While its plausible that its medical, not likely. I have no clue who my wife is right now and this seems very documented with WAS's on these boards that I have seen in the short time I have been here.


Not sure what you "disagree" with Jefe. You think it's impossible anything physical could be happening? I merely "posed the question". You yourself say "it's plausible". Note, It's not a clam I'm making, but a question to ask.

And I related the story of my own BIL manifesting dramatic personality changes for a physiological reason. It does happen.

But Onguard points out other actions his w has taken (the nose job, working out so much) that lead me to think this is more a MLC --

that May be partly related, along with possible hormonal changes of peri-menopause, combined with self identity questions that a lot of stay at home moms ask near the time their youngest child begins to need them less.

A sense of purposeless also plays a role in a lot of depression, which is a factor is most MLCs, so I think there are many factors to consider.

Plus she has her weirdo mom and HER issues of "all men cheat" b/c God forbid it couldn't just be HER ex h who did that...

But NONE ^^^ of these mean Onguard must stay or put up with her miserable treatment of him.


But I sense that Onguard is stymied a bit b/c of his shock and disbelief that this woman is his "wife" . He cannot understand it. He sees it, but his heart does not believe it. Boy I really do relate. So I merely mention that people change for reasons we cannot see, and sometimes for reasons we will never know.

A few weeks ago (before the DB purge I think) I took a very unpleasant gander at my first posts years ago...man, I sure asked the following question A LOT-- that question was "WHY???" I went in circles with that question for at least a year, and finally I just had to drop it. Enough.

Sometimes it just does not matter why, if it's not going to change anything.

[quote] When I think about living the rest of my life without her it takes the air out of my lungs. Which I don't understand given ALL of the horrible things she has done to me. Why are my feelings still there for her? It's like my heart will not believe what my eyes are seeing.

I can relate. I feel the exact same way. But at least it's a honest feeling and a normal one for someone who is not all wrapped up in self-will at the moment.

She thinks that separating may be the only way for her feelings to return for me. I don't know if separation would help or not. I think the only way her feelings will return is for me to detach, GAL, find my fire again, focus on everything but her, become happy, confident and strong again. My life cannot continue to revolve around her.

Exactly ^^^ what your PLAN should be. GAL, Detach, become the man you were meant to become. Do not make your wife (or any one person) the center of your life.

Make yourself i.e., your growth and development as an honorable strong loving man, father and partner (of someone) the center of your life. That's YOUR goal.

Here's the thing. IF IF IF, she is going to return someday anyhow,
you GAL will have done no harm AND will make the time "waiting for her" pass by faster, & with a much happier experience for YOU.

IF IF IF we somehow knew she'd never come back, no matter what you do,

then GAL now gets you to detachment and happiness, that much faster.

IF you do not know what she's going to do OR how you will feel when she decides what that is going to be, OR what factors will influence the situation,

Know that GAL still helps YOU! For the obvious reasons -like you won't be as miserable, or lonely and you'll be able to not think about her for a few hours or even days, or as painfully, you should GAL.

But the less obvious reason (that we are not supposed to mention b/c the WAS is supposed to not matter), is that GAL makes you more attractive to others, including the WAS. That is a fact.

IF GAL has ever made a difference at all, it has brought the WAS back to the home.

So IF it matters to the WAS at all, it'd be in favor of GAL b/c it means you are not dependent on them for your happiness, so you bring something to the table other than your needs, you're less likely to hammer them with their "Crimes",
you are making friends with new people which means you are very worth of it, you ARE interestED in many things and in others, & thus you are more interesting.

GAL makes you happier, & happier people are more attractive and fun to be around....not easy perhaps, but most definitely not complicated.

No matter how you cut it, GAL makes sense for the LBS. I'd say it is crucial to making it thru this ordeal.

GAL helps to Detach,
Detaching gives the LBS some peace,
peace within allows you to begin healing,
healing allows growth and
sets a great example for the kids, (and the kids witnessing their dad GAL helps them as well)
and gets the LBS out into the world that does NOT know about his w or their marital situation
and for a few hours a week, he can breathe freely
and connect with new people and get his self esteem back up some.

Onguard, can you tell I'm urging you to GAL? Yeah, I figured you picked up on that.


On that note, ONG, what are your GAL activities? If it's not a lot, what can you begin, this month?