So, I just started to DB. On Monday, I realized I did want my husband back, and was willing to really give it a go instead of just saying "whatever happens, happens". I still get mad and angry about the things he did, but my love still shines through.
...I have been initiating the texts the last couple of days, and decided that I was going to stop today and tomorrow (I will be seeing him this weekend). It was very hard, and I'm a rather clingy person, so I would want to text, but then text someone else.
...when out of the blue he text me asking how everything was, and how our son was doing. It made me very happy.
...I'm not getting my hopes up and expecting this to work, but I'm expecting it to make me a better person.
...We had problems in our relationship, but I see them as totally fixable. In fact, I was going really well, but then I found out he was having an affair.
...I think she's still apart of the picture, but I know nothing will come of it. She lives in VA, and we live in TX.
He hasn't seen our son in a month, and I wanted to be mean and keep him away longer, but realized that wasn't what was best. It's best that we can have a great relationship. He's agreed to go to counseling, so I'm excited about that.
I know, Michele doesn't recommend that, but I've talked with the counselor and asked her how she felt, and she seemed indifferent. She thinks that with good communication anything can happen. But my husband and I have different parenting styles, so I think we really need to go.
It's going to be a long haul, both mentally and physically.
...We are getting divorced where he lives, and I thought about moving back in with him to make it easier on me, but decided against it as it probably wouldn't be best for our relationship.
I am very thankful for this website, and my family. There are other divorce support groups I've been doing online, and I'm so thankful I found this! I truly love my husband, and I will not give up on us no matter what.
Good for you! You sound like you are doing a lot of great things. First, you did a really great 180 by not being clingy and texting him. He had to react differently to the "new you" and so he texted you and you liked that. Way to go!
Now keep it up and figure out another 180 in your behavior. That will force him to change how he interacts with you and hopefully that new change in the status quo will also result in more happiness for you.
You really haven't talked about GAL which is another key to the DB concepts. You need to work on Getting A Life or GAL, so that you become the best you, you can be, a fascinating woman he will want to be with.
You are right, don't use your child as a wedge. In fact, your child really needs extra support right now. Disrupting his friends and life by moving would be a very bad idea. Also moving in with your H until the D is over is probably not a good idea, but you know that.
My suggestion for you would be to focus on your son and his emotional health, then yourself through GAL. Then work on another 180. Then see where life takes you. Remember that you can not force your H to do anything. All you can do is change yourself, but often that is enough to make others change, but ultimately you H needs to change himself.
Good luck
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
