Hi all. Just looking for some commiseration and support. My story, in very short summary is the following:
* In a relationship for 7 years and was engaged to a wonderful, loving man who I thought was my soul mate. ...He told me every day how much he loved me and how lucky we were, until...
* Apparently he met a girl on a plane last January. She lives in Frankfurt and he 'fell into' an affair with her...
* He has turned into a monster and a person I don't know. Ready to walk away from our wonderful life, home, financial security, dog, etc. Doesn't seem to notice or care that he has devastated me. Doesn't seem to miss me. How is this possible???
....but I and my therapist believe that he is:
3. immature about what real committed love is vs. infatuated affair love 4. maybe needing to explore other options in his life (mid life crisis?); feels like very selfish behavior to me - not about love!!! 7. can't really be madly in love with the HausFrau if he is already cheating on her with me, right?
What is happening? Am I nuts? He seems so blinded by all this?
Do I have hope here? Will he ever wake up and regret this and miss me? Would appreciate any support, guidance or success stories. I wish I could just shake him and wake him up out of his stupor...
So depressed and sad and rejected here! Please write!
Sorry to hear that the person you loved and gave your heart to has cheated on you. One of the things about DBing is that it is about saving and repairing relationships. You may want to seriously ask yourself, based on what you now know about your ex-fiancee if this is a relationship that you really want to save.
To do that you will need to do some serious introspection. A 7 year investment of love is a lot to let go of, but if you and he get back together, will you be certain he will never cheat on you in say another 7 years? Remember the common folk wisdom of the 7-year itch in relationships?
Assuming that after your introspection (or if you have already done that) that you really want to repair the relationship, then yes get some of Michelle's books on DB and MLC. Her approach will provide you with a framework to work on changing the dynamic in your relationship. Usually it involves you doing GAL to become a better, more interesting you and 180's to force the other person to have to react differently to you.
If on the other hand, you decide you shouldn't try to repair the relationship, may I suggest that you also work on GAL so that the next guy finds you absolutely facinating and that you read up on the grieving proces, because you will go through the stages associated with the death of this relationship you had for 7 years.
No matter what you decide you need to focus on your happiness and future. GAL is a way of doing that. You sound like you have taken some great steps in getting a therapist, trying to understand what has happened, disengaging and finding out about the DB concepts and website. You really sound like a wonderful woman and that he was a fool to leave you. However, there are a lot of foolish people out there in the world.
I am so sorry for your heartache. Good luck to you.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
