Claire-- Is DB Worth it? Part 8

[labug]

wonka,

you're right-- I hadn't seen that message. I want to thank you first of all for stopping by with your incredible feedback, and for checking in here as well.

And you are also right that it seems like I'm pushing for a temperature check. My stamina in this marathon is waning this week. And the combination of not sleeping well, plus the holiday, plus seeing my in-laws who, regardless of how they actually feel, act towards me like everything is totally normal and honky-dory. 'Hey, Claire! Happy New Year! Here's the leftovers from our family holiday meal that you weren't invited to because you are no longer part of our family! See you!'

And the back and forth of figuring out the complicated parenting schedule, while he asks me, yet again, to be flexible. It's been a stressful week and I feel shredded.

So, I had a moment of weakness and tried to check the temperature... looking for some small glimmer of SOMETHING that will make this feel worthwhile.

I know I have to stay strong. I just don't feel strong right now.

My BD anniversary is coming up in a few weeks... and right after that my wedding anniversary. I think I'm feeling pretty anxious about that.

Intellectually, I know I will be ok. I just don't feel ok right now.
Thank you so much, everyone, for the hugs and advice. It means the world.

What do you mean your stamina is waning? What would be different tomorrow if 1) H came back or 2) you were divorced?

I used to run this little exercise when my victim tried to check in for a stay. What I usually found was there wouldn't be a many differences. One was, I would have ready (maybe) partner to do things with.(excuse the grammar) That's when I realized that I could still do those things, just had to invite people to do them with or I could do them myself.

The rest was inside my head.

Get out and GAL! Create the life you want, That's the key to moving through this. Take the focus off him and put it on you.

Challenge yourself to get through a week without thinking of yourself as married (I don't mean dating, that's looking for validation from others and we really need to be able to validate ourselves). Go out have fun, try a new hobby, learn to do something new, walk everyday.

You've given him all the power in your life. Take it back!

If your changes are true and lasting, he'll see that even from afar. He may be interested, he may not. You have no control of that and his interest really says noting about you. So the best thing you can do for you is create a life that makes you happy.

You don't know what he's seeing or what he's feeling. This is where I see you're not living your life, cause you're looking to him for signals that you're doing the right thing. Sort of living in a box created by him. Step outside that.