Rpp, Thanks for the reply. I called my best bud and he came over. I have known him for 35 years. We worked through his D 10 years ago. Through the years we have drifted apart and together. I left him a msg to call me. He knew. Instead of calling back he dropped what he was doing and came over. Out of the blue another friend sent me a tm asking how I was doing. I'll be fine. My support system is in place. Suddenly I don't feel isolated or alone. I have been "hiding" from a lot for the last few months. Now is the time I really start working on me . Now I can finally stop denying reality and start working through my issues. Detaching will be easier. 180s will be for me now.
I'm not sure if my M will survive but I know I will.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
Sjallda My sitch is pretty wordy. Fasten your seatbelt because it's a rollercoaster ride.
I hate being alone but maybe the rollercoaster will slow down. I know there are a lot of tough times coming. However the limbo stage is over . Right now I feel peace because I don't have to worry about her mood, stress level or when she is going to cross my boundary again. I thought I had detached but I was way wrong. Tomorrow is a new day so my feelings will change.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
As you have already noted, in many ways it does get much better when they are gone. My H left abruptly, but I now realize just how depressed and emotionally withdrawn he was, and how that was affecting everyone else in the house. In many ways, not dealing with that on a daily basis has made life easier at the moment.
That being said, the change in everyday life is in itself a major adjustment and will take a while. For now, just try and focus on the positives (not having to worry about her mood or stress).
You'll have some down days - when some of the routine is gone, there's certainly a noticeable emptiness around the house. But it will get better.
Raliced, Thanks for the reply. Being in limbo sucked. Interacting daily did provide opportunities to show off 180s, but it was impossible to detach enough to be healthy. I rolled from calm to anxious almost daily. I have control issues. I did not have enough self discipline to let go of the control. Until I can stop being controlling I cannot have a healthy relationship with anyone, including by boys. Even if my M fails I am "excited" to defeat my "control deamons.". I will become a better person. I hope my W is the one that gets to benefit from it.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
I find myself worrying about winter time. My life is super busy from March to November. Winter time is slow. I spend a lot of time outside. Winter restricts that and in the past that has gotten me down. Changes in routine could make this worse. GAL will be important soon.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
I find myself worrying about winter time. My life is super busy from March to November. Winter time is slow. I spend a lot of time outside. Winter restricts that and in the past that has gotten me down. Changes in routine could make this worse. GAL will be important soon.
Winter in the midwest- I hear you! We lived in Iowa for 8 years and I definitely learned the definition of "cabin fever". You're right it will be an important time to start up a GAL activity. I know you're harvesting now, but you should already start planing in case winter starts up early. Woodworking, maybe?
Raliced, A month ago a buddy of mine bought a tractor to restore and he was complaining about not having enough garage room. Guess who has a really big barn with concrete floors, adequate lighting, lots of free time and a refrigerator in the barn for refreshments? He is going to bring it over and I am going to help him with that and then he is going to help me (finally) recondition some hay moving equipment from the 1880s that I took down out of the old high bank barn.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
