still waiting

[Ahoy]

Thank you guys for chiming in, and for the words of support! Even though I have great friends, I'm really trying not to overburden them with all my relationship talk these days! It's hard not to fixate and talk about this single topic nonstop. I have to catch myself sometimes and redirect my attention toward my friends and their lives.

Shodan, good to hear from you. I'm sorry you struggle with friendships. I don't think it's an uncommon issue for a lot of men at this stage in our lives. When I moved to this new town four years ago, it was depressing not to have friends here. It took a while -- and a lot of effort on my part -- but I now have plenty of friends here. But I had to reach out to them first in many cases, and invite them over, ask them to go on hikes, out to dinner, etc. The way the relationships became deeper and more meaningful was through the exchange of information and emotions. I expressed care for them, and vice versa. It also meant asking them a lot of questions about themselves -- which is not something that everyone feels comfortable doing. Anyway, this is the advice I wish I could give my H, but instead I'm sharing it with you in case it's of use. I've found that MeetUp groups are a good way of meeting others who are interested in making friends, too.

In other news: my father's swollen lymph node is benign! Thank goodness. I'm still glad that I booked my travel plans for the holidays in advance though. I got some slack on a different thread about dividing up the holidays and planning my travel separate from H, but I just can't take my chances with getting stranded and alone on a holiday when I could be with my family. I guess that's being defensive, but I'm being really open and accommodating about everything else, so I guess I feel I have to do this for myself.

Tonight I'm going to a music thing that D14 and I usually attend together, but H has to bring her since she's at his place. So I'll likely have to see and interact with him. Luckily, I'll be busy with the music stuff. I always have dread leading up to these encounters, and then they usually afterward I wonder what I was so worked up about. It's not like he's going to make a public proclamation or anything.

Hope you all have a fun and peaceful weekend!