Are you really willing to settle for that, MM? You know how you give off an "independent vibe"? By being independent! We've been over this before, MM. Until you really truly can take him or leave him, until you love yourself enough to understand that he's lucky to have you in his life, he won't ever really want you! Why does this guy have such power over you? Answer: Because you allow him to!
Apparently many people have given you the same advice, repeatedly, and you make excuses as to why you don't take this advice, repeatedly. I could write a lengthy response to your post but honestly, it makes me want to bang my head against a wall. I don't need the additional frustration.
It really comes down to one simple thing: all this nonsense stops when you say it stops.
I was a mess when I discovered BF's A. I tried to nice him back and all the standard mistake for a few months. Then I realized that I deserved better. I packed him a bag, took his house key, and told him to get out. If he wasn't willing to give up OW then he needed to leave, I would not tolerate that disrespect. When he came back sniffing around a month later I told him no. I would not be his OW and why would I settle for a cheater? He kept asking for another chance. I made a list of requirements to even consider it, and there was no guarantee. After he met these and I finally decided to give him a chance because of the years we had spent together I did not spend more than one evening a week with him at first because he didn't deserve any more of my time, he had to earn that. I did not let him move back in until I was ready, he had to prove to me that he was working on himself to be a safe partner. Frankly, my new life was looking pretty good without him so he had to work hard to convince me otherwise.
That is what works.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
