Pearl... Yep.. I keep pressuring & he does know that I want him back. Although during our discussion tonight I did say "I don't know" several times to him about it.
You are right... I don't know how to put myself first. Its not even a thought that comes to mind. Its not natural to think of "self first". As a mom, you naturally put others first.
I have read co-dependent... guess its time to re-read.
What I want?... hmm, I want to be a family again and be IN our own home. That quoted statement you repasted IS about him and how he feels stuck & the only way he can see himself out of his position. He is suggesting that we still be a family & do family things while living between 2 houses (and that could change within X months of "trying this" and he may want more or I may lose interest...who knows)... What else am I to do? PUSH for more? or walk? if I walk, I am in a same position with someone else anyway... waiting for the right time in that rel'p to move in together (approx 2 years).
Yes, I need to understand that I am doing him a favour by being available to consider our relationship again... I think the way to believe this and be believable... is by doing things on my terms. <<<< I need to think about what my terms are.
Matt, I am currently looking at houses. This will be my first real step towards independence. Yes, I have been allowing/enabling him. He has such a cocky quick/sarcastic/funny attitude that challenges me and my self-worth. I need sharper/witty tools to be able to banter back. He has such a confident attitude about things/us. I guess THIS makes me weaker. I wish I could think of how he does this, so that you could guide me with sharp wit back. I guess my best defence would be to give "I dunno's" & "maybe's" back, like he gives me... and not be eager (I have been more casual lately, however)
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Tonight, he made the time to discuss my living circumstances. He reassured me that he does want the end result to be LTCR, living together again... meanwhile, its only been a few weeks of our re-connection & wants to continue to see how it goes. If I buy a house, he would like to spend time together between two houses, until he is able to relieve himself of his responsibilities of his house. That house requires ALOT of cleaning up & preparing for re-sale. He did say that he wants to move out.
I'm not good at recalling the way he says things so that I can repeat it here verbatim.. so, what I write may come across poorly and not in his favour at times.
I confronted him tonight based on the earlier statement of why he wants to give our rel'p another chance... that I don't accept being "plan b"... he doesn't see it that way and said its because of our history. Our 20 years means something to him.
He also brought up that he does not want procrastinate about finishing our deal... its just that we get so busy with our clients (true) ... he was prepared to sit & discuss it tonight, but I was not in the right mood.
We ended on a light note & he came to hug me goodnight.
He is clearly not ready... I am not going to push that.... or by being demanding.
My head is full of the different approaches to handle this, as well as the decisions I need to make about being independent. I will ponder more the thoughts of above & make my own decision of what I am willing to do to get what I want/need.
Last edited by makingmagic; 10/03/1404:30 AM.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
