He asked to meet for lunch and I agreed. I sensed that he wanted something but I wasn't sure if I was only imagining it.
We met and started out with a lot of awkward silence. After a while we started chatting more and he casually asked me "So, are you dating?" I said "Uh, do you really want to know? Do you really want to talk about that?" to which he said that he thought it was just fine to discuss it.
He seemed relaxed about it and ready to hear the details of my exciting dating life. I said nothing. Things got icy. Then we moved on and chatted about other things.
Later he started again by saying that we spent so many years together and were so close and it is strange not to communicate more about what is going on with us, our feelings and our daily lives. My first response was "that's what you get since you decided to split up", but realized I should listen and validate instead of being defensive. He asked if I was angry, sad or happy about our situation... I threw the question back at him and he never really answered either.
It seemed like he was saying that he missed our friendship and wanted to talk more often or spend more time together. And he felt that talking about dating others was a part of being friends...?
If I take what he said at face value it seems like he is asking to be best friends. But it also seemed like he was temperature taking as he REALLY wanted to know if I am dating. Finally I sort of said I was. However he did not seem jealous or uncomfortable at all (although he has a history of hiding any sign of jealousy). I said "I know YOU are dating" and he rolled his eyes a little as if to say it isn't going so well. I asked if he wanted to talk about his dating but he didn't offer any information. I couldn't really figure out what he wanted.
As we were leaving I told him that if he ever wanted to talk about something that was OK, and I would listen. Then he gave me a big hug.
I can't tell if he misses me as a friend, is using friendship as a way to get close or what... I'm mystified and cautious, and maintaining my boundaries. I don't think I am interested in being his buddy yet, at the same time I am really not sure if I'd want to get back together anyway. I figure my best bet is to let him lead the way and just see what happens next. With my boundaries firmly set of course.
My sense is that he misses me and is not sure what he wants. I think he is saying that friendship is his goal as a reason to spend time with me and talk to me. Maybe that is what he is telling himself, maybe that is how he truly feels, or maybe he is straight out lying to me. I don't know.
We vaguely agreed to have dinner soon, but I'll be out of town for 3 weeks so that probably won't happen for a while.
