...I did go to an adult store with the purpose of getting a prostate massager...we've used it a couple times but he's not quite sure it's doing anything. It's really nothing more than a plug. So giving me an actual name of one, helps tremendously. Thank you for that.
We've talked about the pump...yes he has the ED,...and the other day, no meds were needed
We are working on doing one person's 'thing' in a balanced way...rather than always doing what I/He wants on the w/ends and causing resentment.
...it's finally hitting home with me that this man wants to be with me for the rest of his life! How amazing! And, of course, I want to be with him the rest of my life.
...We recently celebrated our 1st wedding anniversary and I've come to realize that I am good enough, he does want to be married to me!
...may just be what has been holding (m)e back from opening up and accepting that he and I are, in fact, in this together. And ya know what? It's not so scary.
You sounds like you are working hard and getting it together. Good for you! He also sounds like he loves and values you, which is wonderful and will allow the two of you to work through things. Yes, that should make things "not to scary."
Some prostate massagers are like you say just a plug, others are medical grade devices that are really designed to stimulate. Sex stores are not always the best places to buy the later. You might read up and have your H readup on "male G spot or P spot" orgasms as they are intense and different from what he may be use to. If he had one there would be no doubt in your mind about "not quite sure it's doing anything." I can say that a lovingly administered prostate massage with my favorite gal turns me into an insatiable male slut. You sound like you are the kind of woman who could work it into your play with him and his ED. The manufacturer of the device I provided has a website with forums on how to use the device, you might be amused reading some of the "glowing rave reviews" and pick up a few tips in how to incorporate its use into into a fun couples thing. It can be used to create real intimacy.
You might also look at some of the support group advice for spouses of prostate cancer survivors as many have H's with much more serious ED problems than you H (yeah no med's) and yet those couples can find intimacy and ways of having good sex. (I know some survivors of prostate cancer, but I am not one of them.)
When my W was in individual sex therapy for some of her issues, her sex therapist recommended a book, Still sexy after all these years, for her to read and my wife was so impressed that she had me read it. It was a bit depressing for me (the author assumed that older women just were less sexual), but also kind of inspirational in that there were specific stories of various women and how they found ways of retaining sensuality and sometimes sexuality despire lost spouses, self-imposed celbacey, or issues related to medical problems.
Other books on sex and aging I have read also stress that sexuality between a husband and wife is something that changes over time, what was great when you were in your 20's may not be best when you are in your 70's (Daaauh!). There are interesting books and websites on sex and aging and the lifecycle of the penis. One of the things that really helped me was that the sex therapist that advised my wife and I was an expert in sex and aging and gave us some thoughts on that.
Good for you on trading to find balance in different aspects of your life. The whole LD/HD thing can be a bit much when it focuses just on sex and not your whole life.
The key to a happy changing sex life seems to be to communicate openly about what you need or want and experiment (and playfully laugh when things don't work) so that you find things that you can incorporate into what you do together. One of the problems in SSM's is that each sexual experience sometimes becomes too important or too rare to just play and see if things work. Shifting gears so that sex becomes playful can completely change the perspective within an SSM for both partners. So you might want to talk to your H about how you can play with him to tease & please him and what he can do during that playing to make it even more special for you. And also talk to him about how you can both clearly communicate when you want to change what you had been doing to something else. Again finding balance that works for the two of you is the goal.
Your closing about realizing that you are in it together, means that you and your H are likely to figure out ways to re-ignite your relationship. Keep up the good work and enjoy!
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
