I've made some good decisions with my job sitch....I'll organize my thoughts and post about that later.
I'm feeling more momentum now, for sure. My approach has shifted. It feels like, where I used to think, "oh, I HAVE to work on myself" and now it's more like, "oh, I GET to work on myself!"
Paying attention to me and what I want??? It's starting to get exciting... Fun, even. APPARENTLY I'm worth more than I thought.
Spent the morning with my S18. Talking about life, fear, change, relationships, love, you know.... And yes, he taught me a lot.
I received several texts from H today. He was very concerned about this recent eye problem, and told me he was having trouble at work. He couldn't see out of the center of one eye, and it's getting worse. So, he made a doctor appt. I responded, "I'm sorry you're having eye problems. Glad you made an appt.". Normally, I would have asked more details.
Then after his appt, he called me. We almost never speak by phone. Probably because he was driving. He talked the whole time he drove from the doc back to his work. He said he has to go downtown for more tests. He sounded concerned, and stressed.
I just listened. I took notice of all I wasn't offering to do. But, this is that "teamwork" thing that goes away when you don't want to be married. And I'm respecting his wishes. More importantly, I'm not putting myself in a position to be used as a mom or a bandaid. He's a big boy.
So, here's what I would have done, but didn't:
I didn't offer to drive him. I didn't offer to come along to remember what the doc said for later <<<< that was my "role" before I didn't ask symptoms I didn't tell him to let the doc know he's on xyz meds <<< also my "role" I didn't try to solve or fix anything.
I thanked him for letting me know. I said I hope it doesn't turn out to be anything serious.
I think I did pretty good. It wasn't easy, for sure! It wasn't my natural "way", and I had to really think. And the best part, is I didn't have to be unkind in order to do that. It would have felt "mean" to me in the past, to not offer my left kidney and bend over backwards making sure he's ok.
I'm growing!!! And, it turns out? I'm BIGGER on the inside. <<<< geek moment.
