I am at work...so this will have to be short, for now:
WOW Starsky... ouch!... I AGREE with her... allow me some time to process and resonate for a bit. <<< this is something that Job had asked me to learn & do...
Eric.... "You have never left your BF for any extended period of time. You have never really dropped the rope. You never really allowed him to miss you and realize what HIS life would be without YOU in it. WHY? "... <<<< Because its impossible to do while we own a business together. Owning a business together means we see & speak to each other several times through out the day. I do keep it "business like" while at work... I did allow the time/space for him to realize what his life would be like without me...hence the reason he feels he is back (I'M IRREPLACEABLE! .... said this again TODAY).
WHY? IMO, because you love HIM more than yourself and because coming to the realization that you actually may need to start over is too overwhelming for you. I get it. I get that FEAR paralyzes you. I get that you FEEL that HE is the best thing for YOU. I get that the thought of walking away from a business that you helped build [censored]. ... <<<< If I walk away from the business, then I cannot afford the house I am aiming to purchase..... TO BE INDEPENDENT! I will need to find a way to manage this business and a house.
June 13... I did exactly that Eric... I dropped the rope & backed off completely, telling him that I wasn't waiting anymore & showing him by not accepting his offers of getting together, etc... ... it was from this position that he started moving forward towards me... leading us to where we are now.
Yesterday, He mentioned that he does not want marriage. I nodded as acknowledgment & acceptance.. Then he restated that he may want marriage. That he just doesn't know. I don't know where that comes from as we weren't talking about marriage AT ALL. I never said a word. Today, he says that he wants the time to build our relationship and have some fun... That he realizes that its not so easy "out there" finding another therefore he wants to make an effort towards us.
He feels that we are just a couple weeks into "seeing how it goes" & its going well. But my pressure of wanting more (at this time) is wrecking our start...
How is this crumbs, really?
I get that I am to be careful & to make sure that I get what I want along the way... but, isn't this a step in the right direction? Bkln Mom seemed to think so... and for me not to add pressure (I can see her point)
All of the above advice is about me letting go & leaving him... the timing of those statements make no sense to me. Why would I let go again now & bail out on the beginnings now when he is moving in the right direction...finally! ~~~~~~~~~~~
I really need to process more & I will have questions for Pearl. I have a lot to think about & a house to consider.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
