SS - thank you, yes it does make sense but unfortunately all the feelings I feel are difficult to deal with and manage at times but it's getting better.
Sandi - I wish I could have give more time than allowing him to move back in.. It will be about 10 weeks when he moves back in. Financially it just wasn't really possible. A lot of our issue preDB were financial related and we both didn't want the finances to be a hardship anymore than they already will be from the debt H has accrued. I am by no means making excuses for him just trying to explain it better. Ideally we would have dated and spent more time figuring things out. Luckily I am still working my second job until December so it puts us crossing paths on my days off and it allows him to run the household when he moves back in on the days I am at work (I leave the house at 5am and usually don't get home until 9pm) so it is good for the boys and me as well for him to manage the household.
The divorce is not gone. We are on the 6 month abatement so we will revisit that when the 6 months is up. H is the man/husband/father I've always known him as and an even better man than he was pre DB. But geez couldn't he have found this out by something less traumatic! What's done is done but it still stings.
I feel C is a safe place. I have verbalized a lot of hurt and my feelings in C because the C helps H see it from someone else's perspective besides mine. The C is very neutral. He really likes H but believes he was very depressed and made rash decisions and surrounded himself with people that were his army that supported his decisions. He said I should treat him like he was on drugs. What matters is that he realized what he's done and he's getting help but he needs to earn my trust and prove that he's genuine.
The big thing I struggle with is did H come back because Ow broke up with him? I've asked. He stands by no. But I KNOW she ended it. But I can't give up my intel. He says yes she told him she needed a break and yes the first day he was really upset and Would have worked things out with her. But he said after that first day he finally had time to himself in his own place for the first time since he left in February. He said it was the. He was able to get his head out of his a$s and think wtf am I doing. He also said that the reason she wanted time apart is because things were getting weird between them because since june he was questioning wha he was doing and it caused fights between them. Them fighting so much is why he got is own apartment (so he says) apparently she moved in to her dad's to live wth H and they were arguing all the time so he said he just up and left and got his own place. He also told me she snooped through his phone a lot and would always ask about my texts and would often reply to me ( I had a feeling because I know how my H 'types' and some of the things were off).
Anyway.. None of that really matters because it is the past but wondering why he came back still gets to me. Is he being honest? the sad part is I don't know that I'll ever truly know.
