So MC was rescheduled due to a change in my work schedule. It is early next week. I have been contuining to GAL. Went out for wine with some girls after work last night. I let H know I was appreciative of him taking care of the boys and house (getting school stuff ready). I am working hard behind the scenes to make my changes stick. H and I talked quite a bit last night. About our feelings and argument over the hot water and the bigger picture. We both had a calm conversation about how we both feel and things we need to continue to work on.
It is his birthday this weekend. Last year I threw a big surprise party in the city at a rooftop bar that I rented out. Pretty sure I won't be topping that this year with Everything going on and $$$ issues. He said he is just good with us going to dinner and taking the boys on the boat this weekend.
Piecing is hard work. Just because your WAS wants to R doesn't mean this DB journey is over. For me I feel like an entire other level of DB started and it's definitely still a marathon. I still struggle. I'm working on trying to be consistent in my changes and recognize my faults that I can change so that I don't wind up here again. I still, like I've said before, catch myself going down the dead end road of some old behaviors. I especially notice this when I feel some anger towards how everything went down while H was gone. So I would love to say I've let go completely but not yet. I know I will fully forgive one day. It gets easier as H is better and consistent in his actions.
I don't even know where I'm supposed to be posting do I apologize if it should to be here. I just don't feel were there yet and I'm not done DB'ing
