wife needs time to figure things out, need advice

[Ahoy]

mandown, your recent post was more just journaling on your part. If you have specific questions that you include on your post, you'll find that you get more responses. (At least, that's what I've found.) Also, if you post on other people's threads, you are more likely to get responses to your own.

In terms of feedback, it sounds to me like you understand that giving her a ring right now was a mistake. No point in dwelling what's already done, but I would suggest you really work on detaching from now on. You are definitely not detached. If she wants to separate, now might be time for starting to go dark. Even though leaving her notes in her luggage is a 180 for you, now might not be the time to be doing that kind of thing. You are showing her that you are still available, she can take or leave you. You need to just focus on yourself, showing her that you're going to make the best of your life no matter what -- with or without her. THAT, my friend, is attractive. Desperation is not attractive. Pursuing her will not make you attractive in her eyes. I suggest reading Sandi's rules if you haven't already. That's what you need to be practicing right now, I'd think. Just a suggestion.