To DB or not to DB, is it really a question?

[paul19510]

Shake, what attracted you to your W initially? What did you fall in love with?

We all have baggage and she's got a lot. That's a facts from your description. Did that come in to play in your early R? Has she ever had C? What made her attractive as a partner to you?

What did she find attractive in you?

Shkspr, our W's have similar backgrounds and our reasons for finding them attractive are similar too. I certainly understand where you are coming from. During the spring of 14 my W finally told me sbe did not want to stay married. I chose not to stand any longer. It had been at least 10 years that we had struggled and i was tired. I know this now. I realize i didn't break W and can't fix W. She has never stated that she wants to do anything different than we do today. She continues to distance herself from friends and the life we had. Its her journey and i'm not invited. I am beginning to get it. I read a short book called No More Mr Nice Guy by Robrrt Glover. The book covers how to just be more of yourself and let others do as they need to. I didn't realize how much my efforts to "fix things" actually made me sick and made my sitch worse.

Met my wife in HS at Band Camp. Thought then that she was most beautiful girl in the room of 400 campers.

Respected her class and poise in spite of circumstances (orphaned, living in Christian children's home.)

When we reconnected in 1999, she was working hard at her Nursing degree and killing it as a single Mom. She worked out like crazy. I was still in the Army and expected that she would take care of her appearance long into the future. I loved the way she talked, the way she made me feel, her easy smile and gentle laugh.

Baggage effects: her 2nd ex-husband stalked her and threatened me over the phone (on post - he looked me up) within weeks of us dating. I think she found it very attractive when I told her that I was scared of no man and that my decisions about her wouldn't be affected by her abusive ex.

Her first ex withheld visitation of SS, now 19. It had a very negative effect on our entire marriage.

There's more, mostly in the same vein. Also, (this isn't good, but is true) - I found it attractive that she was vulnerable, needed saving, and I was just the man to do it. After all, I am honorable and would never screw this up, right? (Self-directed sarcasm intended.)

She found me physically attractive, liked that we had known each other off and on for years, and I was consistently the same guy. She enjoyed my intelligence and sense of humor. Thought that after many near misses for the two of us, it was finally coming together. Fate, whatever other romantic notions were there all played a role.

I apologize if this is too generic. Kinda hard to think about now when the EA is exposed and I am questioning everything I ever thought I knew about her.

OR WAS THAT THE POINT? labug, you sneaky devil.