Spoke to an old friend last night. She mentioned that she had noticed in recent years that H was unable to make real connections in conversations with others. He would pretend to listen to their story, then interrupt to talk about himself. This is consistent with what I've been seeing in him lately -- a trait that he inherited from his father. This inability to really listen and connect with others is likely why he feels that he has no close friends, and why he feels distant in our relationship -- or why he is looking for intimacy with someone else perhaps.
Bottom line: this is a person who is, for whatever reason, very self-absorbed and has difficulty connecting and caring (really caring) about others.
This is not someone I want in my life.
For me, happiness comes from connecting with others, building lasting relationships, friendships, and a sense of community. I had always provided this for H in the past, and he was perhaps dependent on me for those connections. Now he has to build them for himself, which is an important learning process for him -- one that he desperately needs. I hope he can figure this out for his own sake.
As for me, I'm grateful more than ever for my dear friends and the support of all the folks on this board. I know I'll be okay on my own without him, if that's what's to be.
Yesterday I Skyped with a friend in London whom I've known for twenty years. Later that night I spoke with a friend whom I've known for 25 years, and with another whom I've known for 37 years. Plus with my sister. And I went walking with a newer friend in the morning and had lunch with another newer friend.
I feel very fortunate. Thank you all.
Last edited by Ahoy; 10/02/1401:28 PM.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
