DBing Again -- Need Support Now

[Two Sided Coin]

I appreciate the thoughts and the opinions you've taken the time to write out. I certainly see what you're trying to get across, and in some aspects, agree with what you're saying.

That said, I'm not here to give up on my relationship, I'm here to try to do what I can to save it. I had a long, drawn-out post written about this before, but it was "eaten" and disappeared after some maintenance. In that post, I mentioned that I think my view on DBing is different from many people here.

Psychology is the study of human behavior and pathology (that is, what people think, why, and how that influences their behavior and actions). MWD used her expertise to write a book to help couples figure out how to come together rather than fall apart; even if one of them is out the door and has given up all together. To me, the side benefit of this system of DBing is that, done properly, the "trying" spouse ends up in a mental place of being "okay", regardless of what ultimately occurs in the end.

Let me repeat that: the side benefit.

I believe that the first purpose of being here is the belief that any relationship and situation has the POSSIBILITY of being saved, if at least ONE of the participants cares enough to try to save it. Of course not every relationship can be saved with DBing, but MWD has given the best strategies and tools for a good, solid attempt.

If I wanted to drop the rope completely I wouldn't be on a site that supports fixing, rebuilding, and renewing. I'd be on a different forum, discussing how I can just forget the cheating bastard with as much peace as possible. Obviously that's the exact opposite of what I want.

I love him enough that if there's any hope he might change his mind and there's anything I can do to influence that, well, I'm going to be mindful of the fact that my actions don't exist in a vacuum. He will see I'm willing to take the first steps; I'm willing to be the first one to make changes to not only how we interact together (by changing my piece of the interaction), but some of my larger, bigger issues: MY issues that affected ME adversely and that trickled into our R (and those I'm not fixing myself FOR him, I'm fixing them for myself, because I had some habits that were totally dangerous to my mental health and well-being; him leaving was a wake-up call for that).

In the end, he will see changes he can take to the bank, and count on - as far as me being willing to address and change other, more in-depth issues with "us"....that things wouldn't NOT (and SHOULD not) stay the same if he were willing to give it a chance.

No, he's not blameless in our relationship. I never said he was. He's got plenty of flaws and contributed a whole lot to our problems: but I can't FIX him, I can only fix ME. When/if he ever wants to work on our R, we can work on addressing his portion of the situation, but SOMEONE has to put down the pride and start.

In the end, yeah. He may never be willing to give it a chance. I don't know what's going to happen in the end, but I do know that no matter what occurs with H, I'll be okay, because I've been getting a life and working on my mental attitude, and improving me.