Maybell XIV

[Ahoy]

Hi Maybell, I would let your H handle the relationship with D11, and don't intervene. If he asks you about it, you can share information with him and assure him that you're supportive of them building a relationship, but how and when they do that is up to the two of them. I know how hard it is not to intervene, especially when we see our children struggling with anger and sadness, but this is something the two of them will have to figure out. In my case, I tell my daughter that it's natural for her to have those feelings, but that she only gets one dad, and she may feel differently in the future about him and the situation. I try to validate her feelings without throwing him "under the bus" as you say. That's about all I can do. One of my H's complaints in the past is that I intervened too much in his interactions with our daughter, so I'm going totally hands-off in their relationship and how he parents when she's at his place (even when his decisions run counter to my own). I have to practice STFU and trust that my daughter will be able to manage herself regardless of the situation, since she's a teenager now. And if not, she will learn from the experience.