You're initial post kinda reminded me of me so thought I'd give you another point of view.
First of all, what brought you here the first time? How was that sitch resolved?
I haven't been here in a long time because I found that some of the DBing decidedly worked against me. Keep that in mind when you read my thoughts.
I totally get that trying to do the 180s seems confusing and sometimes at odds with not pursuing. I remember the confusion and anxiety at not knowing the "right" thing to do. You understand that you contributed to the breakdown of the R and you want to fix it because you are desperate to fix things.
But it's like you've totally forgotten that he cheated on you. There is no excuse for an affair. If things were really that bad (and I do believe they could've been, BTDT) then he should have come to you then and ended things.
You deserve better than an unremorseful cheater. In the limited R talks you've had he's made it clear that he blames you for everything and you seem to buy into that. Not true!
It's great to GAL, have PMA, and do 180s that are positive changes for you. But you should not make changes to get his attention or get him back. That won't work because if you do get back together without both of you doing real work then you'll just end up here again. And again. Which seems to already be the case.
I know that you feel like you have so much time invested that you don't want to leave. I was with my BF for eight years at the time of his affair. But looking at the big picture, you're still young and you still have plenty of time left to be the best person you can be and therefore attract the best kind of person to you.
Stop all of the temperature checks. Stop the mind reading. Focus on you and how you are going to make meaningful, lasting changes. Getting your internet addiction under control is a great change for you. Working on detachment is something else that would benefit you greatly. Have you read this article?
You must let go of the rope. Your BF has declared that he is done. His actions support this. You gain nothing but pain by not believing this and acting accordingly. Stop being friendly and for heaven's sake, stop the sex! You say you have no expectations but every post you make screams the opposite.
I know this sounds harsh. I am truly trying to help you because I have been there. I was on the roller coaster. I was trying to figure out how to get things back on track. I was thinking about every move I made. And then I let it go. Why? Because I realized that I deserved better. If he wanted to throw away all those years then so be it, that was his decision. I knew that I could work on myself, learn from my mistakes, and maybe find someone who would appreciate and love me for me.
So I kicked him out. Went dark on now exBF because I wouldn't tolerate a friend treating me that badly. I made plans to move out of state. I focused on me and started to like me again. I even started to enjoy attention from other men. Lo and behold my exBF pulled his head out of his a$$ and decided he wanted me back. But by then I didn't want him back. I had a list of requirements that he had to meet just for me to consider taking him back. We spent months talking, working through things, started dating again and I still wasn't sure. Reconciliation or piecing is a long, hard road and it took over two years and another separation before I decided that I wanted to stay with him.
I don't tell you this to get your hopes up about reconciling. I have many DB friends who ended up divorcing. But they are much happier now because they also realized that they deserved better and their partners weren't willing or able to do that. I was lucky that my H did want to do the hard work.
The only reason this was possible is that he knew that I was willing to walk away. We both know that I will walk away if he pulls anything like that again and I will be OK.
Sorry for the novel, I hope you can find something in here that helps.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
