The whole idea of outlasting the MLC is why I never visited this board before. I know others who took the same approach and were still in limbo years later with nothing really changed. This seems to be what's going on with you.
You're fond of saying that you've changed a lot but in reading random posts throughout your tenure here I see the same things: you push for something, he says too much pressure, you back off and things are back to the status quo.
Matt165 (upthread) doesn't have it quite right. You don't need to *act like you're independent* you need to *BE* independent. Right now all of your actions and feelings are really reactions to his actions and feelings. You're not captain of your own ship. No one will make you a priority unless and until you make you a priority.
You say that you want a better relationship than you had before but you don't require him or yourself to take action that will lead to this better relationship. Sounds like you're chomping at the bit to resume the old relationship and he's not even ready for that. If he knows you'll hang around indefinitely then why would he change? There's no motivation.
Are you being honest with yourself regarding marriage? I was with my BF for eight years at the time of his affair. I told people that I didn't want to get married because I didn't need the piece of paper, we were together because we wanted to be and not because we were legally obligated. And that was mostly true, especially in the beginning. But as the years went by and our circumstances changed I wanted to get married. When I brought it up he said that we were better off financially being single and that was the end of the discussion. So I didn't bring it up anymore. When we were reconciling and really being honest he told me that he had wanted to get married but I was so independent that he thought I didn't. Major lack of communication. When I decided that I wanted to stay with him I told him that one of my requirements was marriage. I now needed us to make that formal, legal commitment to each other. We were married by the end of the year.
Bottom line is that you two are not on the same page of what you want and how you're going to get there.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
