New here, my fairytale gone wrong

[fthnluv]

Doing some soul searching tonight. Why do I feel the need to be in a M that everyone envies? I know that the fact that H is filing for D from me makes me feel as though people will think that there is something wrong with ME, not him, as, prior to this he was universally loved. All my life I have been teased about being "too perfect". I think I somehow now feel like I have failed in this area and that I am letting people down. Most people don't understand MLC fully (if they buy it as a reason at all) and I think I'm so concerned about how this makes me look less than perfect. I never thought I wanted to appear perfect, I know I am not, but maybe, just maybe, this is the one area I felt WAS perfect and for that to be shattered it's almost as if I, as a person, am now shattered and a failure.

I find myself wanting to go out and find a new "Mr. Right" now, to feel the love and affection I am missing so much... Clearly, it is WAY too early and I need to learn to stand on my own as a single, and not part of a perfect twosome before I am even close to being ready to be in a healthy relationship, with H or anyone else. I know this, it's just interesting thoughts going through my head. This, his MLC, is obviously going to force me to go on a journey to discover myself and who I am and what being me means. I'm scared, to be honest.