Need help. Scared, confused, and hurting.

[Jefe]

Thank you Peter.

You could tell your girls that "mommy is needing some time out and that doesn't mean she loves you any less. She just needs some time alone and she's spending it with her mommy right now" or something like that. Don't demonize her to your kids.

Absolutely not. I love her and try to protect her honor wherever possible. This is one area where we are doing right. We only build each other up in their eyes.

Become the husband only a fool would leave. How do you do that? Take a hard look at what your role was in the degradation of your M. That may take some time. It took me almost 4 months to figure it out.

I've got a laundry list of my own crap started and adding to it every day. I can clearly see where I've been a total a$$.

Take Sandi's rules and edit them to put them in the first person and replace W with her name, so that when you read it it is directly focused on you. I found that really helped me.

That's a stupendous idea! Doing that next.

I know the pain in the first couple of months is unbearable. It will get better. Here's something to say to yourself: "The pain will go away. I deserved to be loved. I will be ok."

Strap yourself in. It's a real rollercoaster ride. You'll have good days and bad days. I would recommend reading DR. More suited to your sitch. Have patience. You'll need lots of that. But you're doing the honorable thing - trying to save your marriage. It's just not going to happen in a month. For me it's been almost 10 months and I've only gone from a 1 to maybe a 4 or 5. Still a long way to go.

Keep your chin up. Smile and whistle a happy tune. And be strong for you kids. They're looking at you right now to help them through this. Have some fun with them.

Thank you Peter.
I am so glad I found this place.