Need help. Scared, confused, and hurting.

[PeterV2]

Well Jefe, let me chime in here a bit. It's only been under 2 months since she left. You're really in the beginning stages here. Here's my two cents:

Don't worry about what your W is doing. You cannot control her. Don't even try. You can barely control yourself, and that's really the only control you have. So take control of yourself.

Figure out a plan for self improvement. If the 12 step program is something you think may help, don't hesitate.

Focus on your girls. Be the best father you can be. Give them love and lots of your time.

Focus on your business, work smarter, not harder. Make more money in less time and spend the extra time GAL and with your girls.

You could tell your girls that "mommy is needing some time out and that doesn't mean she loves you any less. She just needs some time alone and she's spending it with her mommy right now" or something like that. Don't demonize her to your kids.

Become the husband only a fool would leave. How do you do that? Take a hard look at what your role was in the degradation of your M. That may take some time. It took me almost 4 months to figure it out.

Take Sandi's rules and edit them to put them in the first person and replace W with her name, so that when you read it it is directly focused on you. I found that really helped me.

Your W will spew all sorts of garbage. You'll need a thick spew jacket when she does so you don't bark back at her. For that you'll need detachment. That's a task in itself.

I know the pain in the first couple of months is unbearable. It will get better. Here's something to say to yourself: "The pain will go away. I deserved to be loved. I will be ok."

Strap yourself in. It's a real rollercoaster ride. You'll have good days and bad days. I would recommend reading DR. More suited to your sitch. Have patience. You'll need lots of that. But you're doing the honorable thing - trying to save your marriage. It's just not going to happen in a month. For me it's been almost 10 months and I've only gone from a 1 to maybe a 4 or 5. Still a long way to go.

Keep your chin up. Smile and whistle a happy tune. And be strong for you kids. They're looking at you right now to help them through this. Have some fun with them.