New here, my fairytale gone wrong

[fthnluv]

Talked to H. He still hasn't talked to his attorney about the tax situation. I told him that if he does not want to do the tax deal together for timing purposes he needs to consider that I will contest the date of separation (and win) and then the divorce will be 2 years away and there is no reason to not do the IRS thing together. He still wants to talk to his attorney. I told him I will not stop the divorce if the date is right and he is taking care of the tax debt together, that I might even be willing to do a "mutual consent" divorce (that type of D doesn't take 2 years) if we can agree on everything and wait to completely settle the tax stuff before the divorce is final. I haven't mentioned him filing in CA yet, he hasn't said he knows either. He is eager to settle as quickly and cheaply as possible. I also told him I'm not too concerned with the value if his business if we can agree on all other areas (because, according to my attorney, it may have little to no value as H is the only one that can do it, and even if it does it will cost $5-10K to even find out, not a chance I can afford to take).

We then discussed D4's upcoming birthday party and it's clear he leaning towards not coming because he "doesn't want people looking down their nose at me" because of what they know. I told him most people do not know the whole story and if he gets looks or attitudes simply because he is divorcing me that is the choice he's made and he has to deal with the consequences of it. I told him that people, naturally, are not going to react with kindness to him divorcing me after I stood by him for 23 years and he will have to deal with that. I pointed out that he, again, is putting his feelings and needs above those of his kids and that he needs to do the right thing by them, even if it's uncomfortable for him. He said he would think about it. He's so selfish right now I think I give it about a 2 out of 10 of happening. Selfish jerk, his needs above everyone else's and not able to stand the consequences of the choices HE'S made! Ugh.