I agree with Sandi and I lived it personally. There are many different methods and you need to figure out which you want to commit to and stick to that. Otherwise you're going to be extremely confused.
Since you're on the DB site now and I'm a firm believer I'll comment a little on your last few posts.
You need to give her some space. Both for her and her needs and for your own. During the next several weeks and months no matter what strategy you employ you will be very conflicted. You'll get tons of mixed signals (from W, from friends, and from family) and you'll read into things when nothing is really there. I say this from experience. I was the nice guy that got cheated on and realized I had lost myself.
Hopefully I can save you some time because I spun for a long time. You don't have to stop being a "nice guy". That doesn't mean you have to have contact with W or anything like that. What you need to do is figure out who you are. Somewhere along the line you likely lost who you were. Best thing for YOU right now is to figure out who you are and more importantly who you want to be. What things right now do you think you could improve on to make you better? I"m not asking what you're W wants out of you, I'm asking who you want to be. What things have you always wanted to try and do but haven't (i.e. sky dive, run a marathon, travel, drive in a demolition derby, etc...)? Why not try a couple while giving your W space?
This is going to be a journey. You're going to learn a lot about yourself. You might just save your marriage, you might not but you aren't in control of that. You're only in control of you.
So...what do you feel like you need to work on? Concentrate on yourself for a little bit and everything else will work it self out like it's supposed to.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
