Magingmagic, where'dja go??

[makingmagic]

Hi Eric,

At the end of the day... I am still unsure. I am not convinced I am happy with the approach and direction.

I do want to feel good about myself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today's discussion: We were headed back to work after some "time away from work" at Costco. My RE agent sent me a new listing to review. This turned into a discussion of where we stood within our relationship.

Long story short: He reiterated that he does want to be in a living together situation again, that he really misses companionship of living together & wants that again... however, due to our current situation he feels we are not ready just yet. I see that!! He also says he probably won't be able to for another 2 years because of the commitment he has with his mom & the obligations of THAT house and our business.

THIS FREAKS ME OUT!!!... am I really supposed to wait 2 more years? I said that I want to live, sleep & cook for a family again. He said he did too, but figures we can sleep at each others house till that time comes.

When "trying" to discuss some RE options.. he claimed "PRESSURE" and of course, I got upset wondering how to have this convo and find a solution that works for both.

He gets annoyed and wants the convo to end. He feels I am being the same MM that doesn't know when to quit the conversation (old bull dog approach). I get defensive and stand there stunned wondering what to say or do next. I said something good, but cannot recall what was said... his response was calmer & that he just really needs a vacation and he that he needs to calm down & said that he realizes that we need to talk more about this stuff. He comes over to hug & kiss me goodbye. I was standoffish... and said "really?" and gave a return cold hug.

I am "thinking" of sending a text:

"Our discussion today left me feeling confused. You claim pressure from me and I wonder if you see the pressure I have from you as well as my parents. Living with my parents has become a daily struggle. I understand this is not your problem and I have been keeping it from you. Pressure to buy now into a house that does not serve us in a family life style, because we are not able to be open and discuss to find a solution that may work.... <<< this is pressure for me.


I am doing all I can to balance things. I feel I am being forced to buy NOW into 2 house styles that I really don't want as my end result, which is how a 3rd option presented itself today. I was hoping to review options. I honestly feel that if I buy on my own then that seals the deal on us building a life together. As our relationship is not ready, I feel that we are pretty much where we were 20 years ago. I feel that if I buy my own place then this states that we are not taking a leap of faith and are choosing to live separate lives. That we are not coming together towards a common goal. By saying this I am telling you how I feel. Communicating. I am only explaining how I feel and my position. It is not suggesting or pushing. It is upsetting to hear that this kind of discussion pressures you when I am letting you be aware of how I am feeling. I am looking for mutual satisfying solutions... that is all"

I don't know if I really need to send this ... or if I just needed to get it out of my head and off my chest.