Claire what does this mean to you? That you absolutely want to be M to your H or that you don't want to be a divorced mom?
I will freely admit that some of my heartburn about being D has nothing to do with H. Despite statistics, D is unusual in my social circle. It would be awkward. But that's not the same as wanting to be in a R with a particular guy. Understanding the difference has been important to sorting out my feelings.
And no, I don't think the bath text requires a reply.
Nope. I wouldn't respond. You provided the basic information he needed. No need for anything else.
And no judging here about the bathing... with two households, it's hard to stay on top of the basics. We can't even get the ONE karate belt and the ONE piano book in the right house on the right days. It's a challenge to say the least.
Just feeling stuck and sorry for myself that despite how logistically, financially and emotionally difficult this is for all of us (me, d and H), and despite the fact that I have shown him I am capable of change, he still chooses to feel hopeless and refuse to entertain the possibility of rebuilding a life together. Feeling pretty low about that at the moment. This moment will pass, and I will get on with my life and be ok, but right now the rejection and lack of a partner in my life--for nearly a year- stings.
I want to be loved and held and desired and cherished. I want to have someone to order in Chinese food with on a rainy night and get a foot massage.
I don't want to go out searching for love again, this time with the added complication of finding someone who will also cherish my daughter.
Jeez I am in bad shape tonight. Good thing there seems to be lots of hugs going around here. I need a couple.
The refrain I've been hearing from vets lately is that the LBS always gets to choose in the end, and if you haven't chosen yet, then it's not the end.
Your H is hopeless, you say. Which means, he can not see HIS responsibilities in the relationship. Ergo, he can not yet be trusted to pull his weight.
This isn't about you not being worth the risk to him. This is about him not being ready to take a risk on himself. Don't let the narrative be about your personal shortcomings. There are two of you.
And I don't want to be divorced either.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
I agree with rpp. Are you in love with being married or are you in love with H? For me, I have not decided if it's marriage or W. I hate the D stigma. I don't want to think about dating. I want a partner in life. I have to figure how good W was as a partner and if I want her as a partner in a new R.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
you're right-- I hadn't seen that message. I want to thank you first of all for stopping by with your incredible feedback, and for checking in here as well.
And you are also right that it seems like I'm pushing for a temperature check. My stamina in this marathon is waning this week. And the combination of not sleeping well, plus the holiday, plus seeing my in-laws who, regardless of how they actually feel, act towards me like everything is totally normal and honky-dory. 'Hey, Claire! Happy New Year! Here's the leftovers from our family holiday meal that you weren't invited to because you are no longer part of our family! See you!'
And the back and forth of figuring out the complicated parenting schedule, while he asks me, yet again, to be flexible. It's been a stressful week and I feel shredded.
So, I had a moment of weakness and tried to check the temperature... looking for some small glimmer of SOMETHING that will make this feel worthwhile.
I know I have to stay strong. I just don't feel strong right now.
My BD anniversary is coming up in a few weeks... and right after that my wedding anniversary. I think I'm feeling pretty anxious about that.
Intellectually, I know I will be ok. I just don't feel ok right now. Thank you so much, everyone, for the hugs and advice. It means the world.
Claire.. I know how you feel. I'm approaching the one-year mark since BD and it is weighing on me.. like: "HOW is it a year already?" I can't get that out of my head.
