Need Help before I blow a fuse.

[20&lost]

Well today is my anniversary. When I was going to bed last night I went to tell my W goodnight and she turned to me and said to please not get her anything for our anniversary. I told had something (A simple card and a couple of pictures of our kids). and that I would leave it for her this morning. Then we had a conversation about our M. She basically said that she felt like she was under my constant eye. Now for the record, this goes back to last year when I suspected that she was having and A and I hired a PI and told her I did after many lies from her about her where abouts. I did not confirm an A but did confirm that she was meeting an OM and according to the PI they were having a EA. And yes even after confronting her she lied and said the he was never home when she went to his house, that she was only going there to let out the his dogs. I have never told her that I know over wise and never will. I was truthful with her last Jan and actually quit all spying except for email right then and there. Since DBing I have stopped everything. During our discussion last night she said that the only way we could get our relationship back on solid ground was to "demolish our house and build the right foundation" to which I said I was willing to that but she said she didn't know if she was. She and I also could not come up of ways to re-start the building process.

We had a talk or rather I did this morning with her and told her that she had every reason to have the felling of being spied and if I was in her shoes I would feel the same. I told her that I was wrong with what I did and that I over-reacted instead of responding and discussing what I was felling at the time. That I apologize and I was sorry that I hurt her. She actually said I know you are not a jealous person and I told her that many things had build up in me over that last few years and I was not thinking rationally. I told her I want her to trust me and I need to create a safe environment for her.

As far as building blocks I told her that I think 1. We have to forgive and trust each other and create a safe environment in our relationship. 2. We need to create a harmonious and safe environment with our kids and that starts by both of us being cordial to one another both at home and in public. This is especially true due to the panic attacks my daughter is experiencing. That we both need to work on this. 3. We need to do more family oriented things that include the kids. I told her I am open to any suggestions but if we let God into our relationship and maybe start with these building blocks, our marriage could be more than either one of us ever dreamed of.

I didn't not get any response from her this morning or from the anniversary card, however I now go into all things with no expectations. I am learning that exceptions create the wrong reactions and that "loving unconditional" means you do not do things with an expected return, you do them because it is right.

I pray I have not taken a backseat in my minor accomplishments over the last few weeks, but things just developed.

One last thing, some times I can't follow her anger. I was invited to meet some of the people I had received my dive certification from last night. When the W got home, I asked her if it was ok to go and asked if she wanted to go. She basically went ballistic and said "you go and just stay as long as you want" that I do not know any of them. I again asked her to join me and she stormed off. When leaving last to go meet them I said I was leaving and in a very angry voice she said "well have fun. I will have dinner at 7:30 if you think you can make it back home by then.". I am confused, she avoids me when I'm home and then goes ballistic when I go do something.