Thank you all for the encouragement and support. Man do I need it. Today feels better but I'm being gentle with myself.
I am NOT good at being uncomfortable. I squirm and fight it like crazy. Just when I think I'm ok, my mind goes down some weird thinking lines and BAM! I'm squirming again.
I wish I could take the yogic approach and "observe without judgement" but no, I want to kick that discomfort square in the nads.
A lot of this is hitting major triggers with me. I was pulled out of my home by DCS at age 16 with nothing but the clothes on my back, literally. I became a ward of the court and lived in foster care until I graduated high school. It was only two years but I was hungry (there were bugs in the food at the group home and simply not enough food), emotionally and physically exhausted (I was paying my own private school tuition, too), dealing with the guilt of having left my little brother at home with my abusive mother and neglectful father who then packed up and moved across the country leaving me, at age 16, alone in California.
Now I feel like my home is being ripped out from under me AGAIN. Not my actual house but my family, our traditions, our togetherness, our laughter and love...
It's triggering a lot of ugly stuff.
((( )))Darlin' this explains sooo much.
You can become OK with the discomfort, it's work but it's so worth it.
May you find peace.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
