Isn't it everyones goal on the MLC site to "wait" and outlast?
Honestly….initially YES. IMO, that is because they are broken, hurt and scared. It is also because they believe in M or a lasting R. Now notice I said “initially”…what I believe happens in many cases (and FTR, I am not speaking for everyone this is just my feelings) is that they begin to heal and learn. Learn about the mistake they made, learn about how to face fear, learn about how to grow as a person…then they learn there true worth. It is usually at this point, that the tides begin to shift, they begin to realize that they cannot control another. That they need to be honest and face the fear of being true to their needs.
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I have learned to value myself, etc. Which is why I am stepping back and allowing him to follow forward and to actually get to chasing me.
Hey look MM, you know yourself better than me. I could be wrong. What I see though is a disconnect between your words and actions. You say you value yourself, yet you but yourself second. And second, not once, not twice, not for a week, not for a year, not for 5 years….no you have put your needs in the back burner. As Starsky wrote….maybe we are all mistaken, maybe your sole goal is to just get him back at any cost – even if that cost is the loss of your sense of self.
As Starsky wrote..if you are happy with the status quo – then go be happy. H*’ll I’m happy for ya.
IF you are not happy with the status quo…..
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I see his "crumbs" now as baby steps
Babies ultimately learn to run and walk. I do not know of any babies that are still crawling 20 years later. I also believe that you CONVICE yourself that these are baby steps, in part because you do not want to lose him at any cost. You are afraid…and IMO, that fear is what is keeping you stuck. Stuck in a cycle.
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What makes my sitch any different than the others on this site?
You have 2,494 posts – and imo, you are in no different a position than when you first arrived. I have 2,812 posts
That said, this is not a post contest. The number of post were used to illustrate a point. At the end of the day, if it takes you a million post but you end up in a happier place – that is all that really matters.
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My only other option is to "attack" thru the legal system to which I will not fair as well as if he "offers" what we have already in place from our meetings with a mediator.
If standing up for what you believe in is “attacking” – then you are in for a long ride. You mentioned that you will not fair well. Once again, IMO, this shows how scared you are. You have put soo much into this business only to run the risk of losing it. So is your plan to wait it out, hope he wakes the f*ck up and gives you want you have worked so hard for? If so…..ummmmm….how’s that strategy working out for ya?
MM – I really do believe that you need to start planning a life without him…at least not with you as a partner….I believe you need to face the fears, which I can only imagine seem impossible to face….but….ohhh….sweetie…once you face them you are FREE. Honestly, it pains me to see you stuck. I so wish I could do something to get you to realize what so many others have seen.
I will pray for you MM.
Good luck and God Bless,
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
