Snowballs get bigger as they roll down hill!

[sjallda]

I think what I'm doing different or for the most part is not asking questions about all the why's or trying to pursue, beg, plead and implore.
I mess up at least a few times a week and it is really hard for me to do this, but I get back up the next day and try again.

I have abandonment issues , they are pretty severe, which I wish I didn't. There have been times in my life it has caused low self worth and humiliation because I did or said things that no one with a drop of self esteem or morals would have done.

I also have been trying to go do things on my own, or away from h,
I have each day done something to make our house cleaner, or more appealing, painting, de-cluttering

I have tried to appear happy around h especially even though I'm feel like I'm in shock
I have been watching my appearance much more, focusing on my d more,

I know I need to follow Db techniques at all times, I know I am weak and needy,
I have always needed to know why, and usually I never find out anyway,

Not only do I need to know why, but the reason has to make sence to me or I question it, or worse try to reason.

Now just today my sister tells me that my h on our last family trip together told her h that his first wife (not me) was the love of his life.

More hurt, one more thing to try not to ask him about, one more reason to hurt.