Magingmagic, where'dja go??

[ericmsant2]

MM

Not trying to hand out 2x4’s here, I just want to show you what I see.

The business issues were delayed due to our new business location. It was his comment yesterday to state that he has not forgotten our business deal & we will proceed again soon towards the legal document. I have noticed it on his "list" of things to do.

It has been on his list for a long time. Notice how YOU have to keep waiting. Notice how YOUR needs are secondary.

The waiting, waiting, waiting is par for the course... isn't it? Waiting for him to finish his MLC. I now see that my journey during this time was to learn about my impatience, control & manipulation and a few other ugly behaviours that I didn't know existed. Due to my old behaviours of "chasing", etc... it is MY GOAL, my desire/need to be pursued... to allow HIM to control the pace, the affection, the offerings, etc... as I seemed to have held those jobs in our previous relationship. Both him and I need to know what HE wants, what HE chooses, etc. ... I just really need to pay attention.

Honestly, I find this response interesting. Yes, the saying around these neck of the wood is that you need to try and OUTLAST someone’s crisis. That is correct. The piece though that you are missing are the other sayings…..like…..learn what it is YOU want, learn to stand on your own, learn that YOU have value, etc. I’ll get back to this in a second.

my desire/need to be pursued

I guess I have a different opinion of pursued. To me, if someone is pursuing me..they are ACTIVELY chasing me. NOT just when they feel like it. More on this in a sec.

to allow HIM to control the pace, the affection, the offerings, etc ... as I seemed to have held those jobs in our previous relationship. Both him and I need to know what HE wants, what HE chooses, etc. ... I just really need to pay attention.

That may be your goal. Personally, I think it more about YOUR fear of losing him than it is about finding your own happiness. ONE PERSON having the control in a R is NOT healthy. To me, it seems like you are content to sit around and wait for the crumbs that he is willing the throw your way. That IMO, is not healthy. I believe that a good R is one where the control can shift between partners – with both people’s needs being met. A give and take if you will. You see from where I sit, I see the same pattern of behavior in you. You want more, he says no, you push, he then give you a crumb and tells you that you just need to wait, you settle for the crumbs and the cycle continues. The only way this will change is when YOU really do.

You said earlier…that you needed to wait. Ummm…is 20 years long enough? What if he decided to finally address the business issues…ummm…say 10 years from now, when the company is almost insolvent. What then? YOU still gonna wait. Honestly MM, you are so afraid and that my dear is the one issues that holds you back and it will continue to as long as you avoid facing your fear.

Under the advice of my councellor, I have been told to be the loving MM that I am & want to be, to be playful sexually, and be the best MM that I am... HERE IS MY CHANCE that I have been longing for. However, to also keep a close eye, be alert/aware & to write things down (good & bad) and to not 'nag' about what I don't like along the way (for now). I think the writing down part is to remind myself of what the truths are (atm) so that I don't get sucked into believing a fantasy & that he is just soo amazing (NOT). For me to really see him as he is...not who I want him to be. For me to take account of the whole picture at the end of a suitable time frame and re-evaluate... but, not complain about it until the ending. Just continue to do/be my best.... and watch.

IMO, your councellor is wrong in a way. Yes…be you, be happy, live life, enjoy it. What they are not telling you is that YOU matter. YOUR needs matter. That you do not have to tolerate this crap. That you do not have to settle for crumbs.

So.. am I ok with the status quo? I dunno. I can see myself easily ignoring all his current faults just to be eager to be back together/around him.

What does this ^^^^ tell YOU? “just eager to back together/around him”. IMO, it screams CO DEPENDANT. It’s sad MM, it really is – not just for you but also for the poor man out there that would probably give you so much love…but you’ll never meet him…cause your waiting. Scared to stand up for yourself.


One day MM…you are gonna wake up and realize just how much you gave up for crumbs. I pray that this day comes sooner rather than later for your sake. I am not trying to be a downer here…I just do not see you moving forward in facing the tough stuff you have to.

God Bless,