too late?

[jim0987]

Whatever the reasons I did what I did. What I did was to make her feel unloved and underappreciated.

I don't think I can necessarily overcome it without understanding why I behaved the way I did.

At the moment I can't help to think the 'yeah but...' In my example the first 50 times weren't like that. I doormatted then resented it. But if I'm right your point is that that is not the point. I resented my own behaviour and then chose to hear blame when that's not what was happening.

Translating the previous example she was trying to say 'I need more help' I heard 'you're not good enough'. That's me reading the negative into things which I do way too much of.

The snarky has always been there its just until I started feeling rejected I don't think my W was ever on the receiving end.

And no its not that I'm afraid to be alone I'll do fine on my own. I love her and I want to share in her life. My happiness I get from helping people I care about acheive their goals.

Right now us staying together would be selfish, because I do not make her happy and happiness is what I want for her.

My fear is that she moves even further on to someone else and then I miss the opportunity to have a 2nd marriage to her that is more like the one she deserves. But you know what if I didn't have that fear, if it wasn't that I want to be the one by her side then I would simply throw in the towel and move on.

So I realise my current M can't and shouldn't be saved. what I can do is start the work that I need to do to build a new and infinitely better R with the amazing woman who happens to have just left me. And if it doesn't work, if I can't earn her love and respect, then I'll have done the groundwork for whatever comes next in my life.