Newcomer living in Hell

[bravo61]

so tonight was interesting. me and the W went to a concert together (actually we met there). she looked great!! well we had an ok time and drank a little bit. she ended up getting pretty drunk (it hits her all of a sudden and she hides it well). she ends up sobbing about all the things that i did wrong while in my arms. i validated all her feelings (cause she's right) and held her. she was drunk enough that we left the venue. even though i shouldn't have, i told her i loved her. that was a 180 for me because i never let her know that and that was her issue with me-she never felt loved enough. with the lack of love and my cruel words (unknowing) it broke her spirit. she actually took responsibility for her part by saying she kept her fears and pain from me and it was wrong. during the whole exchange, i never begged, pled, or cried. i just stroked her face and let her know that i was there for her. she kept crying that it was unfair, where was this person when she needed him. i let her know that i was broken too and i have found my way out of the darkness. she admitted that she drug her father, grandfather, and grandmother issues into our marriage and that wasn't right to me either. she did say that she was nervous about going with me tonight and being around me. which is weird because i had let her know that i was going and she was welcome to come if she wanted to. she said that she couldn't commit to it. i said that's fine i'm going anyway. the next day she brought up the subject and said if i was still going she would love to go. anyways, she was drunk so i held her hair by her car while she puked, and gave her the shirt off my back to wipe her face with-no kidding. but i was glad to do it because i had no expectations for anything. i could've kissed her several times, yes she gave me the look, but i reminded her that i would not do that until she asks me too and i will not take advantage of her and i will respect her boundaries. i drove her to my apt and carried her inside and held her hair again while she puked. she began to shiver and i asked if she would like me to hold her and she said yes as long as you don't have any expectations. it was nice to be tender with her. she did say that she is having a hard time with her plans to divorce me but she is still moving forward. i didn't cry or beg for another chance, just let her know i understood. it was so important for her to know that she thinks i'm amazing now while she belittled herself. man did i and others hurt her. she actually said that she was glad that she let go of a bunch of the stuff she relayed to me tonight as she's been carrying it around inside her. i let her know that i would like to see her again but it would be up to her as i'm gonna respect her need for space. looks like i'm gonna work on going modified dark (with two kids). she did mention that she's tired of kids asking her why she wants to divorce daddy. i let her know that it was wearing on me too. my D(4) is always asking me to tell her the story of how i met momma. so i drove her to her apt and relieved the sitter. after sitter left, i carried W inside and tucked her into bed. i affirmed her inside and out beauty and kissed her forhead and left. let the swinging 2x4's begin. it's like its a race, is she gonna rethink her decision or will D cross the line first. i'm pretty sure D will win as she's scheduled the required parenting classes.i did find it interesting that when i left she said, "i'm so sorry i can't give you what you need right now". thoughts, opinions?