too late?

[jim0987]

MrBond, 25yearsMLC, you really have a way of making people take a good hard look at themselves. Thanks

I think your right I think I was/am a bully without ever realising this is what I was doing. I think its driven by my insecurities and any time I was made to feel insecure I would lose control of my emotions and lash out in a passive/aggressive way (sounds a bit like a child I know).

The more rejected I felt the worse I was and the more rejected I became. And so on.

I feel like I've been better since her dad died but its never fully gone away and the extremes of 3 years ago with have made my W sensitive to it and far less tolerant. I expect any time she was starting to forgive me I would do something to undo months of progress. And I expect our damaged communication (because of my reactions) made it hard for any misunderstandings to be cleared up.

The kids were easy. I gave them love and got love back. I felt wanted. That feeling of feeling loved and wanted by my W disappeared making it harder and harder to show her the love she wanted.

The pedestal comment comes from her - she wants to feel like she is the centre of someone's world. That they would go through fire and brimstone for her. The stupid thing is I would (she just would have needed to ask).

When she met her ex it whipped my thin veneer of security in our R out from underneath me and I have been punishing her ever since trying to recover that security and in the process doing all the wrong things.

Well there's a hell of a therapy session for me....