The Waiting One (and tired of it)

[Atsbaby]

Son of a 81tch! I just flew backwards about 3 weeks!

I knew what my mouth was saying and yet I couldn't stop! Clark is very much still in MLC. I really need to remember this. I have let my emotions get the best of me. I need to pull way back again.

We got into a huge fight. Haven't fought like this in months, I mean so stinkin mad that I left the house. Thank goodness I did cause Clark was ready to pack up and leave again...I stopped him by leaving first. The only good thing that happened!

He said he was sleeping in the basement tonight...taking it slow. I pushed, I'm confused cause every other night he is with me in our bed. So I ask. And I have no idea how, but we ended up on OW. I set my boundary again. So even though he says he will end the relationship, he still has feelings for her. I called her a garden tool, and man, the fire in his eyes! Why can't you defend me like that @$$hat!

Anyways, when I returned home, I validated and kept my mouth shut. I think we may be going into withdrawal. He wants more space, I'm too clingy (I have continued to db, but apparently we've done too much together lately). Lots more spewing and my fault cr@p. Continued to validate. He did take responsibility for some things, but I'm sure it's all talk.

He supposedly called atty yesterday to drop the D petition, but he's now having second thoughts, thanks to our fight. I'm going to give space and pull back again. I need to continue to change. He is liking some of the changes I've made, but I haven't been keeping up with them because of school and kids practices. I've gotta find a way to get back to them.

I really need to invest in a punching bag!!!