Shakespr, here is a great big virtual hug. I feel so awful about what you've had to go through today. I'm so sorry.
The layers of betrayal seem endless: you trying to hold everything together and being totally honest, working hard to acknowledge your contribution to your marriage's problems, co-signing the lease, giving her the uncontested D... and all the while she was holding back the truth.
She certainly is a wounded creature, this will be her third D. This fact alone may work in the marriage's favor, because she might finally realize that she keeps looking for happiness in new men and not finding it, disrupting her children's lives and for what?
So she can repeat the cycle with perhaps a fourth husband? That realization alone just might shake her up, make her finally stop blaming external factors for her unhappiness.
But don't worry about her anymore. Now is the time to take care of yourself instead, to work on yourself as hard as you worked on your marriage.
Take a look at that man in the mirror. He's been through a godawful nightmare. And look... he's still standing! You owe it to him to give him whatever he needs to get through the next couple of weeks. I don't care what it is, you give it to him. (I hope you include all the compassion, kindness, love and consideration that you gave your W.)
I am worried about your sleep. As a military man you must know how sleep deprivation can impair cognitive ability. I remember weeks in which I got maybe 3 hours of sleep a night; I couldn't hold it together at work or anywhere else. If I hadn't called the doctor and gotten help with my sleep, I may have done something dangerous to myself.
I would re-read Starsky's story, which I found very helpful. I can't remember if you've seen these before so forgive me if you have.
M:54, H:55 T:33, M:27 12/13 BD: EA 01/14 BD: PA, H leaves 03/14 H & OW break up 05/14 H says he will file for D 08/14 H initiates D 09/14 H wants to R 12/14 Still bungling our way through R
