Dusting off my $h*+kickers.... Let's keep DIGGING!

[BrightFuture]

Shining, I’ve been reading your recent posts and I can relate in so many ways. After the BD I also tried to get out of the house, and at that time I didn’t have friends in town where I live. I traveled for work for so many years, that I didn’t establish any connections where I lived. It was always H who was doing things with. And I was OK with that. After the BD I found myself very lonely. Well, my sister and family live here, but they have their own life and she would not go out with me. So, at first I went out by myself, and it was uncomfortable. I had a lot of attention from the guys, and I wasn’t sure how to handle it in my new reality. I figured it out pretty quickly. I just tell them like it is, that I’m going through a separation and that I’m not looking for a new relationship. I tell them that we can be friends, but nothing more. Well, this doesn’t always work this way. I have some guys who are friends, but who don’t give up the hope that they can be more than that eventually. If it gets too uncomfortable, I just stop socializing with them.

I’m also in the same boat with the detachment. I think if I detach more, I will have no more hope. Actually, I feel like I will just not care anymore and it scares me.

This caught my attention from uR’s post about detachment:

Ability to maintain an emotional bond of love, concern and caring without the negative results of rescuing, enabling, fixing or controlling

I think if I detach enough, there will be no more love for H on my part. I will just not care anymore. Which will achieve the goal to stop hurting, but it will close the door to any hope of reconciliation. I’m not there yet, in terms of complete detachment. But I feel it every day, that my love for H is diminishing. I guess I will know what it feels like at the end when I get there.

Shining, I’m glad you are feeling better. And you are fortunate to have your wonderful kids.