H didn't call today. No surprise there, typical behavior for him and MLC I'm sure. I am on pins and needles waiting to see what he wants to talk to me about though. I go see a lawyer here in my state tomorrow about what I need to do to protect myself and my kids in the meantime with the D pending in PA. I understand I can file for custody and support here in the meantime. I hate to do it because it makes it look like I want to proceed forward with D (which, surprisingly with the OW in the picture, I somehow still do not) but I have to protect my kids.
I also have been plagued with thoughts about whether or not he has been faithful to me over the last 23 years (with the exception of the last 1-2 when he was away from home and clearly, in my opinion, in the beginning stages of MLC). I guess part of me thinks that if I find that he has been unfaithful to me at points all along he may not be worth standing for. The other part of me truly believes in H and what God can do when he truly gets into a heart of a person, which I believe will be necessary for our reconciliation at all so it may be a moot point. If H straightens up, repents and wants to reconcile, does it really matter if he cheated on me for 23 years? I'm torn on this issue and, frankly, I have no idea if I could even find out for sure anyway. God knows H won't tell the truth, that's been proven, and his "wing woman" (as I found him call her in a text between him and an ex-employee) from the past who used to be a good friend of mine (but certainly more of his) may be an affair partner or one who covered up previous affairs... or not, who knows. Does it really matter?
Me- 40 H- 41 S8, D5, S4 M 19 y T 23 Bomb drop 6/2013 H asked for/filed for D 9/2014 22 yo OW discovered 9/19/14 they're engaged and living together
