The business issues were delayed due to our new business location. It was his comment yesterday to state that he has not forgotten our business deal & we will proceed again soon towards the legal document. I have noticed it on his "list" of things to do.
The waiting, waiting, waiting is par for the course... isn't it? Waiting for him to finish his MLC. I now see that my journey during this time was to learn about my impatience, control & manipulation and a few other ugly behaviours that I didn't know existed. Due to my old behaviours of "chasing", etc... it is MY GOAL, my desire/need to be pursued... to allow HIM to control the pace, the affection, the offerings, etc... as I seemed to have held those jobs in our previous relationship. Both him and I need to know what HE wants, what HE chooses, etc. ... I just really need to pay attention.
Under the advice of my councellor, I have been told to be the loving MM that I am & want to be, to be playful sexually, and be the best MM that I am... HERE IS MY CHANCE that I have been longing for. However, to also keep a close eye, be alert/aware & to write things down (good & bad) and to not 'nag' about what I don't like along the way (for now). I think the writing down part is to remind myself of what the truths are (atm) so that I don't get sucked into believing a fantasy & that he is just soo amazing (NOT). For me to really see him as he is...not who I want him to be. For me to take account of the whole picture at the end of a suitable time frame and re-evaluate... but, not complain about it until the ending. Just continue to do/be my best.... and watch.
So.. am I ok with the status quo? I dunno. I can see myself easily ignoring all his current faults just to be eager to be back together/around him. I have written a few things down that I don't like & a bunch of new stuff that I do like (his baby steps). I am trying to be patient & see this through with a fair amount of time for a good judgement call. However, I am guilty of the "pressure" on my part & want to feel good about doing my best. I have promised myself a full month of NO PRESSURE before I can make fair judgement.
Meanwhile, I want to do my best to pull back to allow him the space to come forward.
UPDATE: Today, I was a little disappointed when he stated that after work he was going to go to Costco and he knows that I need to go too, but didn't invite me. However, I bit my tongue and kept occupied with other work, I was still friendly.
At the end of the day, He invited my DD & I to his Dads for Thanksgiving dinner. This thrills me to pieces but I cannot think too much of it because it may be because he wants us there as a decoy from being around his cousin that he is not fond of at this time. Although, having us at his family function states "something" to his family...doesn't it!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
