So off we go, and then from that point on it's back to the ice queen again. Strained conversation, walking ahead of me - you know the feeing i'm sure - i had to really work hard to get her to talk....
First good luck to you. I haven't experience this, yet I was close to divorce in an SSM. The DB stuff really works, especially GAL and 180's. Your GAL of gardening is getting her attention. Keep it up.
Your highest priority should be your daughters. Let me expand on that a bit. Your wife is not thinking clearly. She has even referred to being in a fog. You need to focus your thoughts on protecting you and your daughters. This means emotionally and financially. When you wife starts talking about divorce or moving out of the house, you really need to focus on staying put and providing your daughters with a stable life both emotionally and financially. That means you should start educating yourself about divorce in your state and checking out who are good divorce attorneys in your area. You need to be ready when the time comes. You don't need to do anything or even let your wife know, but for your daughters you do need to plan for such a contingency.
You are getting lots of good advice. In particular you can't force her, beg, bargain or plead to get her to do anything. Only she can deside who she wants to love. She has to know on some level that she has hurt you and hurt her daughters. That will be her cross to bear in the future. You need to make sure you are loving, non-judgmental and a role model of civilized behavior for your daughters.
One of the things my wife did when we were close to divorce was that when she observed me doing my GAL and she had some positive feeling for me, her subconsious would do something to try to pick a fight with me. It took me quite a while to learn not to be "baited" into arguing with her. After a while I learned to let it go and ask her why she would say something like that without being angry. Often times she would tell me she had no idea. I suspect that her ice queen role is her way of keeping her emotional distance once your GAL makes her have feeling for you.
On a certain level she may be trying to burn bridges with you so that you do something in anger that she can point to as destroying the marriage and gives her justification for what she is trying to work up the courage to do.
Again. Focus on you and your daughters. You might want to ask your daughters if they would like to go to a group conseling session (or a church clergy if they are close to one) with you so they can get some of their feelings off their chest. Expressing ones feelings and frustrations is cathartic for them and you. I wouldn't invite your wife as the session should be about helping your daughters cope and your wife's stated plans are to be out the door in the not too distant future. If she insists, tell her she can come but that the focus is not her, not you, but will be all about what your daughters are feeling and need.
Good luck. I found that posting on this website was very theraputic. I also found that there was lots of great advice and that ultimately the DB principles either work or don't, but give you a frame of reference to help you deal with your situation.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
