Coming to the end of this thread, and wish I was in a better place. Had a couple of nice days over the holidays, and I guess I need to remind myself of that, because the last couple of days were not so hot.
I started retelling the story, but it feels like it goes on and on. Long story short, I'm feeling angry and resentful because all our lives are so much more complicated b/c of my WAH's choice to leave our marriage. Some days, like today, it takes literally every bit of strength to not scream at him.
My MIL was babysitting last night (part of the long story). I was exhausted, hungry and frustrated (spent 45 minutes trying to get the car seat cover back on-- part of the long story!), and D3 was still awake at 8:30. As MIL was telling me what she fed D for dinner-- holiday dinner leftovers-- I couldn't help but start tearing up. It was just such a painful reminder of what I've lost. And she's telling me this with a smile on her face as if I'm just an acquaintance. I miss being part of her family. I miss her holiday dinners. I miss seeing my D play with her cousins.
I read here about other LBS having conversations with their spouses -- having a heart to heart at least about where things stand -- and I just feel like a piece of trash that was tossed aside.
As part of my atonement this year, I'm going to send him a handwritten apology letter, taking responsibility and asking for forgiveness for all I've done. Maybe it will seem like it's pursuit or desperation. But I need to do it for me, to cleanse myself and start being able to move forward.
The end of this is near for me, I think. It's just too much-- at least right now.
