I scared myself this past weekend, with the sadness. I don't want to be there anymore. I made some other good plans for myself. My momentum is picking up again. Today I am more focused on what I have.
My older boys and I talked for a long time today, and yesterday. They were very respectful, but they did say they're concerned about me.
They're worried because they'll be leaving the nest soon, and I've been pretty down lately. I didn't think I did this, but they said I cry at some point, everyday. If that's how they see it, then that's all that matters.
It's not that I lay around crying all day, not even close...but I probably do have teary moments each day, as things come up.
This conversation was very positive. I am lucky they come to me with their concerns. But I also recognize they need to see me happier and moving forward, in order for them to move forward, confidently. That fact alone, is enough to propel me into further detachment.
I've been doing better today. My S18 and I worked out together at the gym. Then I came back and finally tackled my file drawers that have been staring at me for months.
I've been avoiding organizing these documents, because it brings up so much from our M....house, boat, cars, medical.....ambulance. But, I did it. And it wasn't as bad as I thought. I'm putting the past "stuff" in it's own place, separate from the "now". It was kinda symbolic.
I have not looked at my phone much today. Still playing word games off and on. I'm starting to believe now, that our M as it was, is truly over. Time to prepare to be alone, and leave the door cracked open for a while.
But, I did it. And it wasn't as bad as I thought. I'm putting the past "stuff" in it's own place, separate from the "now". It was kinda symbolic. 
