So the complaints I've managed to ascertain (In no particular order)
- I put the kids and my work before her - I wouldn't 'let' her be a SAHM - I didn't help enough with the nursery drop offs and pick ups - I was never there for her emotionally in the way she wanted. I needed to be told what to do. - I left all the laundry to her - I didn't sweep the kitchen floor or load the dishwasher as often as her - I make lots of sarcastic comments which she was hurt by - she felt we always had to do things my way - she has described me as 'attritional' in arguments
So the 180s I can pick out from this - do the laundry - make sure the kitchen/house is kept tidy - no more sarcastic comments - don't rise to any arguments - doing around half nursery trips. These ^^ are helpful but mostly what "not to do". INSTEAD of making sarcastic remarks, give him a compliment! An authentic one please. If the dinner she makes is delicious, say so. That is NOT "pursuit". Pursuit would be saying "it's such a good dinner, I hope you'll always make them for me....here in OUR home..."
See the difference? One is you expressing gratitude, the other is you wanting something more from her. Lose the scorecard about her "wrongs" and unless something is LITERALLY life and death, don't "get your way" on things that don't matter. And most things don't. That's the phrase, "don't sweat the small stuff....and most of life is the small stuff". Make sense?
Do you REALLY care which movie you go see? WHY? Also, how are the finances in the home now?
After that it gets more difficult to work out the right things to do.
How does SHE RECEIVE love? How does she show it? Are you two speaking in the same "love languages"?
What do you think HER love languages are, and which are yours? Be mindful that we each give love in a way that may NOT be the same way we receive it.
I GIVE love by acts of service and words of affirmation, my h gives love with touch.
HE WANTS it with touch and words of affirmation. That means a lot of what I THOUGHT was loving behavior on my end, was not "received" by him as such.
What do you think vis a vis your situation?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
