too late?

[25yearsmlc]

Thanks nitty.

I'm going to keep trying to be positive around her its just difficult as it feels like a continuation of how we got here. She was always in a bad mood and so I tried to compensate by being really positive for the kids - I do realise now that she actually saw that as me not caring about the fact she was in a bad mood.

You're changing the marital history. You said you were "NOT there for her when her dad died", (indeed you say you did the opposite, which is pretty lousy to contemplate) so how can you say you being optimistic is somehow "a continuation of how you got here"?? I think it's b/c of the other things you admitted, which include you Not being there for her, the constant questions about where she was, the controlling nature of your behavior which you say was b/c of your low self esteem. But I get the feeling that you believe your low self esteem justified (however feebly) being a bit of a negative, jealous controlling bully to her.

But you are So vague when it comes to describing how 'awful" you were to her or how "terrible" the things you said to her were, we just have to assume you're accurate. Which is fine, but it leaves a lot to the imagination.

ANYHOW

I doubt your wife would say you were "too positive" to be around. With the way you describe your self esteem problems, which sound extreme, I doubt you were "too optimistic" for her. Think about that some more, okay?

How are your R's with the kids these days? And please tell us specifically, what your 180s are (list 3 please) and at least 2 GAL activities that get you OUT of the house AND have you MEETING NEW people, who do Not know your marital situation.

GAL is needed for Detachment. (Detachment is needed for your self protection so you don't keep feeling lousy AND OR obsessing/making things worse).

GAL ALSO helps you GROW as a man, & to feel better about your life.

I hammer it so much, simply b/c it works.

So tell us some 180s and some GAL activities please.