I think I have already violated most of the 37 rules. I did everything wrong. So I need to know if I should continue what I've been doing or get started on the 37 rules.
Here's my situation: 7 weeks ago I discovered my wife was cheating. 1200+ texts and 1200 minutes talking over a 5 week period with an old boyfriend from a few years before I met her. We've been married 19 years with 4 kids (4, 8, 16, 18). I know he did not have her phone number until 2 weeks into the affair. They were only contacting through FB where she didn't delete the conversation string. I don't know much of the conversation after they switched to phone/text but the FB messages included him teller her they would be fine if she left me and he left his wife. And that he wanted to marry her. On the night I discovered this I had noticed that she was gone quite a few nights in a row and was gone again so I looked at her phone records to see what was up. This is where I found the OM number all over the place. When she got home I questioned her about it and she says it was nothing, just friends. I asked her to show me her FB account where I found the damning messages. She still claimed it was just friends and I went nuts. She was calm like nothing happened. She says they never met, only talked. But on FB she had said she missed him the week before and her best friend said “she didn’t tell her to kiss him” when she thought she was talking with my W. She continues to this day to claim they never met and her friend was being spiteful. Looking at the volume of texts and phone calls there were only a few times where there was ample time to meet that I can’t account for her location. So it may be possible they never met, I just don’t know. She did admit that she had told him she loved him but says she didn’t mean it. She just liked hearing what he said in return. She says on the day I found out she told him that she was done with him. Her reason for ending it was he was getting too needy, demanding and controlling.
Her best friend has cheated numerous times (physically) on her husband and was apparently giving some encouragement to my W to meet this OM. W’s brother is a friend of the OM and was facilitating them meeting. So I demanded that she break all communication with all 3 of these parasites. Since I found out there has been no contact that I can find. I have been monitoring her email, phone, text and FB and whereabouts.
The current status: We have had intimate relations for almost everyday since I found out. Yes, 7 weeks straight minus 2-3 days. She says she loves me everyday and wants to be with me all the time. No more girls nights out. She quit the walking that she started just a few weeks before I found out. She says she will do whatever it takes to fix things and move forward. I have suggested that we go away for our 20th anniversary next year and redo our vows but only if in 6 months we have resolved our issues. I don’t trust her much due to the lies about this and lies of previous things not cheating related. However, she seems sincere in her rekindled affection towards me and desire to move forward with me and forget all this. She said she was sorry but didn’t show a whole lot of other emotion about it. Like it really was no big deal to her, I have some trouble with that.
So, where do I go from here? Do I just quit worrying about it and move on or do I do the 180 program? Do I accept that she never met the OM and that she told me the whole story, that is was just a phone thing that died out? I feel she has done a 180 but I don’t want to believe in a false hope so I am asking for your help.
