I dont know what to do much less get a plan. I don't feel like a victim - I feel like a sinner who got what he deserved. -- i regret moving out - i wish i would have stayed if anything so I could at least see my daughter. I am lost and dont know what i need to be doing to save this marriage. I feel like I've tried almost everything. I really need some advice on what options do i really have it this point - nothing seems to be working
You have gotten a lot of advice, including some very specific parts. I'm not sure what exactly you feel you have tried doing. Also, whatever it is, must be done for long enough to be able to assess whether it's working in part, in full or not at all.
What is it you think you have tried, for long enough, to decide "it's not working"?? I feel as if your lack of patience is coloring your views. You think you have done a lot and that "nothing seems to be working" but you skim over CHUNKS of behaviors or forget to disclose them or you revert, and or you go against the advice given and think "oh well, I'll just start over again."
but the thing is, when you go against the advice given, sometimes that means you set yourself farther back than you would be, had you done nothing.
Doing the wrong thing at this point can be darn Unhelpful and it's not always something you can just 'un do", without a lot of time. And time isn't something you have an infinite supply of.
For every year of a behavior you do NOT want, (let's call it a "fault"), the spouse must counter for at least a month.
Meaning, for every year of a bad behavior (let's say "always being late"), you must do the opposite/180 for a month, to get your spouse to believe in the change.
So you'd have to be uber punctual for a month for every year of being late.
So If you were married 3 years and were always late the whole marriage, then it'd take 3+ months of you being super punctual, for your w to think maybe you are no longer Mr Late.
Do the "math" and the "math" of it is this:
"Consistent change + sufficient time = change she can believe in."
make sense?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
